Marriage Traditions in
The Islamic Middle East
What the Quran says about love
The Quran mentions that marriage in the Islamic faith is a good thing. The Quran 4:1 and Quran 30:21 are verses that lay out the foundation and objectives of marriage in the Islamic faith. These verses show us that there was originally a belief inequality in a marriage between two people, but this equality has faded away some as time has passed. It is believed that Allah laid the ground rules for establishing peace between spouses. When in a marriage, the objective of a marriage is to enable an environment where we can live in peace and tranquility. But to have peace, there also needs to be justice, fairness, equity, equality, and fulfillment of mutual rights. Another quality that is emphasized is mercy. Mercy or Rahma is believed to have been put into our hearts by Allah and therefore it is in our nature to have mercy for each other and with our spouses. Mercy is then seen through compassion, forgiveness, care, and humility. All these qualities and characteristics lead to what Muslims define as love. Love is defined differently than the commonly used definition in everyday life. Love is believed to only be seen and expressed in a legal marriage and the only way to express love in a healthy way and for it to grow, the man and woman need to protect their love and follow the Islamic law, the Shariah.
Characteristics of Marital Love
​​
Faith: love between spouses should be for the sake of Allah and should gain His pleasure. We claim our mutual rights from Allah and Allah holds us accountable for our behavior as spouses
It sustains: “Love is not to consume but to sustain.” Allah shows his love for us by providing us with sustenance. Love in Islam is to sustain our loved one physically, emotionally, spiritually and intellectually to the best that we can. The Husband’s duty is to sustain materially and the wives can contribute if they wish
Accepts: Loving someone is accepting them for who they are and trying to change them into an image is considered selfish. It is believed that true love does not attempt to diminish individuality or control personal differences, but it is magnanimous and secure to accommodate differences
Challenges: Enabling our loved ones is realizing their potential and is a rewarding experience. Love is challenging and encourages us to dig into our talents and takes pride in our achievements
Merciful: In the Islamic context, mercy and love are synonymous. Mercy compels us to love and love compels us to have mercy. Allah chose to be the Most Merciful and the Quran mentions Rahman (the Merciful) 170 times therefore, emphasizing the significance of being merciful. Mercy is then defined as having and showing compassion and being charitable
Forgiving: Because Islam has an emphasis on the fact that God forgave our mistakes, we should then forgive others. “Love is never too proud to seek forgiveness to too stingy to forgive.” Love is being willing to get go of the hurt and the letdowns. Through forgiveness, we are given the opportunity to improve and correct ourselves.
Respect: When you have respect, you do not take your loved one for granted or ignore their input. Our interactions with our spouses reflect our level of respect for them. When you love them you respect and value them as a person, including their contributions and their opinions
Confidentiality: Love loses its soul when trust is betrayed and confidentiality is compromised and trust is the most essential ingredient of love
Caring: Love is taking care of the needs of our loved ones over our own. Love then creates caring and sharing in all that we do when we love in a relationship
Kindness: The Prophet Muhammad gives us many examples of acts of kindness through his kindness towards his family and his wives. He was even kind when his patience was tired and was never unkind. To love is to be kind
Grows: Love within a marriage is not a static thing, it is always growing and changing. Therefore, it requires work and commitment and is nourished through faith when we are thankful and appreciate all of Allah’s blessings
Enhances: Love allows us to enhances our own images and beautifies our world. It provides emotional security and physical well being
Selflessness: love is given unconditionally and protects dutifully
Truthful: Love is honesty without cruelty and loyalty without compromise
Islamic Wedding Traditions
For many Muslims, the wedding ceremony is considered the wedding, not the actual registration with the courts or with the government. An Islamic wedding follows the Islamic Law which requires a religious ceremony in order for the couple to be considered legally married. If a religious ceremony does not happen, then it is believed that the woman in the relationship is at risk and the children are then illegitimate. Islamic law sees marriage as a social contract in which both parties should be mutually respected and cherished, but this is not a sacrament and there is no belief in ‘soul-mates’. This then allows for either party to ask for a divorce even though marriage is seen as the ideal state to live in for a Muslim. Each person is encouraged to look for their spouse on the grounds of compatibility through piety, rather than for their looks, wealth or prestige.
​
For some, a wedding contract may be arranged, signed and witnessed without the bride actually being present, or intending to live with their spouse right after the marriage. In marriages, it is commendable when the women are taken care of and effort should be made to make sure that women have good husbands. One unique thing about Islam is that the man is allowed to be in a polygamous relationship, but a woman is required to have only one husband at a time but may have more than one husband in a lifetime. The man however should be able to keep all the women with kindness, love and scrupulous fairness or else they are ordered by Allah to only have one wife. Even though the woman does not have to be present during the wedding, parents or others can not force, coerce or trick you people into marriage.
​
It is believed that for the most part, the male has the financial responsibility for the couple. When entering into a marriage there is a tradition, a Muslim husband has to agree to a financial deal with their prospective wife. This money is known as mahr and is a payment that the bride receives and is free to use as they wish. This is done because in the past even if the woman had nothing, they can now own property. If then a divorce happens, then the wife can keep the mahr, but if the husband does not want the divorce, the wife can return the money and then can seek a khul or a divorce. But if the woman has money of her own, she is not obligated to spend it on her husband or family, but the husband is obligated to keep and support his wife and children on his own income.
An Islamic wedding ceremony is known as a nikah. This is a simple ceremony that does not require the bride but she at least needs to send two witnesses who can draw up the agreement that will be signed. The ceremony normally consists of readings from the Quran and the exchanging of vows in front of witnesses of the bride and groom. There is no requirement for a religious person to be present, but an Imam is usually present and can perform the ceremony and can give a short sermon. After the marriage ceremony, the union needs to be declared publicly either through a large feast (walimah) or a party that is specifically thrown in order to announce the marriage publicly. During the public announcement or reception after the wedding, the bride and groom may be obliged to sit on “thrones” on top of a platform and then guests come and present gifts or gifts of money. The dress of the brides vary. Some prefer the traditional white wedding dress, but some from the Asian subcontinent often favor a shalwarqameez in scarlet with gold thread and their hands and feet would have henna on them. A feast afterward with men and women in different rooms is something that sometimes happens or a simple celebratory party with only close friends and family. Some cultures could also have dancing, firing of guns, lots of noise and hilarity. Not all of these traditions are practiced in every wedding and they vary based on the country and the bride and groom’s opinions and culture.
